plan for my voice over

During my first 2 minutes of my feature film i have planned my voice over. In one of my shots i want to zoom into daniel (the boy) by his window. As i have chosen to zoom into him this is to show that we as an audience are about to hear his thoughts. 

This is what i think i want the voice over to be: 'there is people out there that had a good time in life i definitely wasn't one of them. I just didn't fit. I've never fitted in at school. Dads got money issues and now i have to move house. All I ever hear going through one eat and coming out of the other is arguing. i don't have many friends. but each day i write in my diary as i feel this is what i can confide in. As he's saying this voice over i want to have a shot of all the boxes in his room and then possibly pan over them to give a feeling of clutter. Then i want a close up of one of the labels to again associate him with moving house again. The label on the box might be robots to give a feeling he has a lot of toys to play with as he hasn't got many friends. i want the music in the background to be quite mellow possibly with no words to give the feeling of loneliness. the next few shots could maybe him getting dressed and we can see in his cupboard as he hasn't got much money he only has a couple of clothes.